It's Tuesday and now I hear from my sons. My oldest son was still in the hospital with his wife on Mother's Day. My youngest son was caring for a five month old baby who had sinus problems. He and his wife had to sit up all night with the baby so he could breath. He couldn't breath lying down so they sat up in a chair and held him. My son said he thought of calling me once and then it slipped his mind. His oldest son had music lessons Sunday and the middle son had a baseball game Monday.
My job as mother is over and now it's their turn to go through what I went through. I'm still going through a lot of wondering if... if I'd done something wrong, said something wrong, or I needed to just wait longer to be cherished.
We don't know sometimes what is going on inside other people unless they tell us. That's why it's good to let mom know what she means to you. If you want to.
I asked my son what the word "Dream" means on the card my daughter-in-law sent me.
My son said it means that the baby in the picture was their dream. I asked my son to tell his wife thank you for the card but next time please use more than one word. I had no idea what it meant and was racking my brain over it.
My Mother's Day Pity Party.
Today is Mother's Day. It's supposed to be a day of get together and remembering mothers. I waited all day for the calls that never came. I went to church this morning and saw all the mother's being loved by their families. I didn't feel sad then. I used to feel sad and cry when I saw a woman with her husband and family sitting together in church. I didn't cry today. I did think it would be nice to have someone there with me. But I knew that God was there with me. When church was over I was given a pen and bookmark. It was really nice to get a gift on Mother's Day. It was the only gift I got for Mother's Day.
How long could it take to pick up the phone and call a mother?
I feel as though I must have been a terrible mother or my sons would remember me. One daughter-in-law sent me a Mother's day card with a picture of my littlest grandson on the front. She had hand made the card and hand written the word "Dream" on the front. There was no explanation of what that signified. Inside the card she had written "Happy Mother's Day!" and signed the grandsons names. I haven't a clue what she was trying to say.
I finally wished myself a Happy Mother's Day. During the day when I cried I heard God say that he loved me. He said that I had all his love. He said He had died for me and no one else has offered to even call much less die for me. He told me all kinds of nice things and comforted me. God has been there for me after my mother died. He has comforted me many times. Every time I start to cry he speaks to me.
I feel really sad that my own sons whom I bore, changed their diapers, washed diapers and clothes too, made their meals, cleaned their room, read hundreds of stories to, prayed with and prayed for, bent over and held their tiny hands to teach them to walk, stayed up with them all night when they were sick, worried over them, cried for them, loved them, and still do, can't call me on Mother's Day.
Do I try to call them? Don't know the answers to any of my questions or I wouldn't have questions.
Well, the pity party is over but the feelings remain. Sad. Sad and confused. Wondering if I'll ever be forgiven for what ever it is I may have done to not at least get a phone call. Surely God would have told me I'd done something wrong today when He was speaking to me. He never said I needed to apologize for anything.
